The reality is maybe you are struggling with life right now. You do feel a deep hate for where you are at currently. There is a way to express your hate and actually make progress in life.
I made the title for no other reason than to catch your attention. To show why we use the word hate or other powerful negative words so frequently. We want people to validate us and pay attention to us. It can be our hint that we need help or for someone to ask us why we hate whatever we hate.
There is much more effective ways for you to get the help you seek and to potentially protect your personal health at the same time.
Why Say Hate
Stating out loud that you hate something is you trying to get validation for your feelings. You want someone else to agree with you so you can get on some kind of rant or somehow feel good about feeling negative.
One of three things will happen when you say you hate something:
1. Someone will agree with you and the two of you will feed off each other’s negativity. Find someone that hates their life as much as you do yours and the two of you will feel good to share each others miseries. Stand back and observe two people getting excited over how much they hate something. Everyone around them will just slowly pull away until it is just the two haters standing there.
2. No one will agree with you and you will go quiet because now you feel like you are alone. You will remove yourself from that group and try to test the waters with another. Yes you will seek out the opportunity to express your negativity onto others. Not to make their life worse but to get that hate out of you.
3. The most exciting situation for some hate sprayers is when someone disagrees with their statement. Oh man now the haters are on fire. They will spend hours trying to convince others why they should hate it too, whatever it is. They may even succeed, not to improve that person’s life but to validate their own feelings. Success at the expense of the other person’s positivity is not success.
The next time you run into a situation where you get asked the question “Isn’t that awful?” or “Don’t you just hate….?” politely say that you don’t have an opinion on the matter you would like to share. Maybe you do dislike whatever it is but you know energy is precious and you want to save it for maintaining a positive day.
If you come across someone who states they hate their life don’t ask questions like “How bad is your life?” or say how awful it is they feel that way. That feeds their hate. Instead ask them questions that positively challenge them. “What have you tried so far to find happiness”, “What keeps you with your partner if you feel unloved” or “If you hate the life you have, what does a life you would love look like?”
It is always up to you whether or not you engage in conversations with people looking for someone to validate their hate of things.
Hate Holds Attention
The news is negative because happiness doesn’t attract our attention the same. It is sad but has been proven many times over.
Negative comments and juicy gossip about others sparks our curiosity.
This is why shows like TMZ exist and that the news is so full of the negative things people do. That is what sells. Can you imagine how magazine sales would drop if none of the headlines were worded in a negative way?
Think about this as an example of how hate has infiltrated our state of mind:
When you see a couple being affectionate with each other in public you say “I hate it when people do that, they should get a room.” What? You hate people showing love, affection and happiness. You will actually go out of your way to avoid them. Possibly you will even say something to them because you feel entitled to express your verbal diarrhea. “Get a room you two!”
Now take that same couple walking down the street arguing with each other. I mean a serious heated debate where personal insults are being thrown out left and right. Guess what? You may feel a bit awkward but by golly you want to hear every bit of it. Would you say anything? No probably not.
We like to watch negativity in action because it somehow stimulates us. Marketers know this and pump us full of it constantly. I personally try not to watch the news unless it is on how people are helping others in need or more positive undertones.
Having so much hate around us takes a toll on our life.
The Cost Of Hate
Think about how reporters choose to endure so many years of negativity. They may be passionate about delivering the news but the anger of the world is hurting their health. We know our soldiers are all at high risk of developing stress disorders due to all the horrible and negative things they see.
Any situation where you are exposed to long periods of negative energy will hurt your health. Externally or internally. I am not a doctor but it doesn’t take one to see the impact negativity is having on the health of the population.
I write this the day after James Gandolfini passed away from what is believed to be a heart attack. Maybe it was a pre-existing health condition or a dietary lifestyle that caused it. Or maybe his health was what it was due to portraying a troubled and dark character in Soprano’s so many years.
People have stated that Heath Ledger was cursed by his role as Joker and it cost him his life. He absorbed so much negativity to get into character that it is very possible it had an effect on him that no one could have predicted.
I can see where actors may be at a high risk of hate induced physical ailments. Think about what they do to get ready for some of these roles. They read books on negative people and situations. They basically try to mentally relive the tragedies that befell their character.
Remember your subconscious does not know reality from imaginary. Your subconscious is very powerful and will continue to create whatever you feed it most. In actors cases that can be the feelings and images of being a murderer, rapist, being shot at, driving dangerous, etc. All real life things that would cause our body great stress.
Now I am not saying that all of them are in danger of being consumed by negativity but it does influence their mental wellbeing. We need to realize that we create our state of mind over time and we do not just turn it off and on.
We assume that if it didn’t hurt us in the moment then we are in the clear. Feelings of hate are slow silent killers attacking our bodies. You do not deserve to be dying inside from the feeling of hate.
I have no idea of the statistics but I would guess people who experience a lot of negativity in their careers or home lives would tend to die more often of stress related illnesses.
Hate is a Non-Factual Opinion
Ask my wife. I am guilty of using the word hate. Through her gentle reminders I have become fully aware of how much I state I hate the same thing.
I hate uncontrolled intersections.
O.K. maybe it took her flat out saying “I know you hate uncontrolled intersections for the 50th time” I got the hint I may be saying it a lot.
Now that I am aware of how often I said it I can consciously choose to keep that opinion to myself. Actually I have gone one step further and don’t really even think about them anymore. They are what they are and I just need to use them as they are.
Negative opinions are useless opinions. I know this is bold to say but saying you hate yourself is a useless opinion. The reason for that is it does you no good. No progress can be made from that state of hate. Accepting that you are where you are in life, love it or not, is what it is.
If you feel hate toward something you need to either let it go or ask for help. State you struggle with X because of Y and wonder if anyone knows Z to change it.
Then decide if you are going to spend time attempting to improve the thing you hate. If you hate your body nothing changes just hating it. Getting past this point is not easy but the reward of loving yourself is worth the work.
Back to uncontrolled intersections. I am concerned over the safety of uncontrolled intersections due to the number of accidents that happen each year and I hope the city will take measures to add the appropriate yield signs someday.
Am I going to lobby for every uncontrolled intersection to have a yield sign added to it? No I am not so I need to let go of my hate for them and use them as they were intended. I just need to watch out for the people who don’t seem to understand how to use uncontrolled intersections. Man I hate those guys. (Just kidding!)
If you are not going to spend the time and effort needed to create the change you want to see then let it go.
Be aware of your verbal negativity. You may be saying hate more than you ever realized. But hey you are here now taking control. That is what counts.
We can only speak one thought at a time so why waste it on using the word hate. It serves no purpose.
If you discover you don’t really have anything to say to anyone you just had a major personal breakthrough. Now just take the time to find all of the positive things in your life you can talk about with others.
Take Action Request:
Start removing hate from your vocabulary. Replace it with a positive statement or let go of the hate all together.
Your Life Your Choice Your Design
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”- James A. Baldwin
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